When Occupational Therapy subjects drown me like a tidal wave… I begin to hear the call of the business world getting louder…

It is like being stuck in an arranged marriage. I can choose to call it quits anytime but when I think about the time and effort I have invested in this “relationship”, the thought of escaping becomes doubly hard. For-the-kids’-sake sort of guilty feeling.

I cannot rant about this dilemma because it was my decision to stay. Everything around me was pointing to the direction of the exit. Away from OT. Away from UP. But for reasons that even i cannot comprehend, I’m still here. Still struggling to keep the “relationship” floating. Trying to be happy in a world where I don’t belong.

Nobody seems to understand me here in CAMP. Believe me, the feeling is mutual. Don’t get me wrong. It is not OT’s problem that I’m lost in its world. I’ve caused this to myself. Why I wrote Occupational Therapy in the UPCAT form is another story. What is absurd is why I chose to stay lost when I have the option to pack and leave… for good. And finally put my life in order. Hopefully.

I’ve stayed with OT for TWO long years. Yes. You can call me stupid. I was lost for two years. I still am. And will probably remain lost and stupid until 2009. Uh huh. I actually have plans on finishing OT. How stupid can that be?

You see, I cannot seem to leave OT. Okay, I will let that sink in first. Nah. It is not about staying for the sake of being in a (ehem) prestigious school. An OT student’s life in CAMP is anything but rosy. In a nutshell our life here is toxicity + hell = normal week. I’d exchange prestigious with sleeptime without second thoughts. Can “Number 1 University” save me from premature burn-out?! I don’t think so. I can find a gazillion reasons to leave OT and not a single reason to stay. But when I have convinced myself that I’m ready to seek for another course and school, an odd thing happens. I suddenly and weirdly feel the need to stay. Yuck. Maybe, just maybe, in the depths of my being I have learned to love OT. Double yuck.

Well, at least I have a reason that drives me to stay in OT. No matter how cheesy and yucky.